Dr. Balls Underground Music Review

Dr. Balls random nugget of knowledge: more


I have an announcement to make, basically because there are some rumors starting to get ready to circulate through your sexual partners about so-called "problems" with the finished yet unreleased album that non-relatedly has been predicted to be somewhat disturbing to civilization and cause a full on societal blowjob!

The rumors go like this: "So Dr. Balls has been getting hard for the past 6 months about his stupid album and nigga can't even get the shit to the streets!" And you'll be all like jaw gaping at the news because Dr. Balls is like a father figure to you! But believe me, don't believe them! The truth is that there have been some "issues" with it's fucking release but there is momentum to get this thing out the door and there's nothing to worry about baby! I can't tell you exactly what kinds of deals have been struck with what record labels nor can I tell you when the album will be released but you can be assured that shit is in place! It's all there, and it's going to create conditions that are more favorable towards the end-of-the-world kinds of things! a.k.a. not fun!

So guess what baby! Dr. Balls has pretty much invented and trademarked a brand new method of thinking called "faith based ankle grabbing" which is for women (preferably of milf age) who want to give up on their dead end lives and become a sexual pin cushion of Dr. Balls's for 20 minutes and on videotape! Thank gee-oh-dee for drugs and the women who will do anything for them!

So I told this to my brain, Nugget, and he wanted to know why the surface of the earth does not curve the other way! Yeah I know, what a freak! I'm like, the earth isn't fucking concave, idiot! At least not yet!

Guess what else! I condone inventions of new species! Bring that shit on because I want to create animals as close to human beings as possible without actually being them so that I can totally make them my slaves! Think of all the money I can make! Ever heard of making cancer from money?

Dr. Balls has better things to do!
I know you want yours truly to be like updating this blog every day but listen, I have a new album that I am trying to release which is going to blow the juices directly out of your brains, and at the same time I am filming episodes of my tv show American Orphan! You should hear those orphans belt out their songs with their lives and future happiness on the line to win residence in Dr. Balls extravagently immense fortress instead of withering away in their torturous orphanage parentless hell and then being put to sleep in a few years!

So as you can see I'm pretty fucking busy! At the same time your bands aren't doing any crazy shit like stabbing each other with screwdrivers or playfully punching each other in the fucking jaw! Instead there are a number of band conflicts going on in which bands are acting like total pussies and dropping their attacks via internet postings! Oooh terrifying! Like a nasty blog posting does not pale in comparison to the sharp bite of a screwdriver going through your leg as some moppy haired emo kid lays on top of you, his face squealing with raw hatred and pure girlfriend-less emotion!

thescout.net on its warpath to delete Dr. Balls from existence!
Yes baby Kevin "Knights Of Columbus" Carson went out of his way to cancel the blogs of his contributing writers, of whom one is me! This comes after Carson decided to de-link them from hist thescout.net main page, but left the pages up as sort of his wither-on-the-vine strategy! Dude, I pretty much have like an open door policy! Come say it to my face and the bandages that cover it!

Aliens are not taking over!
I don't know how many times I have to repeat this but you have to realize that aliens are not coming to take over this planet! And they are not abducting you! Just think about it, juicy! If you were an alien would you abduct a human by flying a UFO to your house, walking out of the UFO, breaking into the house, walking into your room, and putting a mind-spell on you, and have a few of his buddies drag your limp body to the spacecraft where they take you to a remote location to play with your genitals?

Dr. Balls has been talking about...
Dr. Balls is back! Hide your wife!

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