Dr. Balls Underground Music Review


Dr. Balls random nugget of knowledge: more



   

To: absolutepunk.net
From: The Illustrious Desk of Dr. Balls

Dear absolutecrunk.net,
Just want to let you know that the Angels And/Or Airwaves podcaster is up on the intershizzle! And it is stupid, unless you like to hear 30 minutes of blabbering plus the same 5 minutes of audio you already heard in the trailer baby! I just wanted to let you know because I know the news is important to you, and Dr. Balls is looking out for you, unlike anyone else in your life despite whatever disinterest these liars try to pass off as affection! Now get to work baby!
- Dr. Balls







What do I keep saying to you! What is my new motto! I tell you to not ever believe these bitchy ass lies that are being spread like margarine over our collective noggins while refusing to behave! I know there are all of these lies out there about my upcoming record release, such as "oh I heard that Dr. Balls had some kind of fist fight with his manager and broke a bottle over the man's head, then tried to set the recording studio on fire, and then was thrown in the slammer for driving drunk and stoned and while there confronted his fellow cell mates saying 'Hey are you guys going to try to rape me! That's what happens in jail right! It's supposed to be that big horny faggot 300 pound big black burly dudes and bald white bikers with beards try to get all up in a dude's ass!'" Well none of that really happened! These are all lies just to keep you thrown off course! The prize at the end of the rainbow is a fucking emerald stallion of a record which, though it may have its difficulties, is still going to blow the door off of the bedroom where you lay enveloped in your autoerotic stimulation to the pleasant sounds that emit from the electronic playing device in audacious waves penetrating your innocent and mallable membrane!


Angels And Airwaves Are Away Awhile And Aren't Answering Anyone
I assume you know who the fizuck is in this forcibly mysterious band Angels And Airwaves fronted by some dude from the Blink 182s, I think his name is Tim! This new band might actually be named Angels And/Or Airwaves! Not sure!

So anyway I'm watching this story because it is intangibly saucalicious as ten shrouds of Turin! These guys were supposed to debut themselves to the world by putting one of their songs on the internet on December 13th! Yeah I know that was two days ago and nothing happened baby! Well a couple of weeks ago I guess one of the suits didn't like the idea, so he and this Tim guy got into a rather heated bout of rock-paper-scissors and ended up conceding to let the band put up one of these new things called "podcasters" that you can download to some type of portable device that plays music, like a cell phone! Well guess what! That didn't happen either! Still two days later no sauce!

Then it gets better! On the same day Angels And/Or Airwaves was supposed to podcast their music, Tim's arch-rival and fellow former Blink bandmate (I think it's either Ed or Mark) released the first song from his new band Plus 44, and the song's lyrics were basically about how Tim is a douchebag! And the song also sounded like this millionaire punk rocker recorded the junks in a million dollar tin can! This stuff is even more satisfying than taking a piss!







Here is the worst band website in the fucking world! See how long it takes you to play some of their songs which coincidentally sound like proper medication must be scarce these days!







So I guess being abducted by aliens is like the new thing isn't it! I bet it makes you feel so fucking special to think that alien beings from thousands of light years away find you so intriguing that they break into your house in the most inefficient and dangerous manner simply to take you back to their ship and play with your balls! You wish you knew what it felt like to be like the one and only "stand out from the crowd"-ish you are but you are a fucking wreck Mr. Fingers and I don't believe a goddamn word of this shit that you preach to the people on the sidewalk as you try to tell them how Dr. Balls of all beings ruined an entire life which was already a piece of shit thing to begin with and the next time that you visit your father's grave look at the piss marks I've been leaving on the tombstone! Too bad your fat hand couldn't hold onto him as the rapids rushed him away to his extremely painful and grotesque death! Good job dude!








   
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